Gordon Brown ‘angered’ by ‘inconsiderate’ monster rampage through London
Scientists are today drinking whisky in the pub after a tough press conference regarding a monster rampage along the Thames. The monster, said to resemble a mix between an armaments factory and famous childrens TV creation, Kermit the Frog, destroyed buildings, befouled the Thames, disrupted the tourist boat service and caused millions of pounds worth of damage to the iconic landmark of Tower Bridge after becoming entangled in the construction during a conclusion that some onlookers called ‘breathtaking’.
‘He tripped, and fell into the cables, and his rotating knives got stuck, then he tried to blast his way out and got all…stuck and he’s f***ed, man, he’s going to be killed! Take that you sh*t!’ said Gustav Principle, a high-ranking scientist for the government clean-up operation named ‘Operation Henson’.
Some called the monsters demise ’plagiarism’, and Tristar are now attempting to take the hundred-foot-tall monster to court over ‘copyright infringement’ in relation to the finale of its 1998 movie, ‘Godzilla’. Some lawyers have observed that the violent death of the beast could be a hinderance to the case and, coupled with the beast’s distinct lack of knowledge regarding late 90’s cinema, believe that the case is ‘open-shut’. A spokesman for TriStar told the Imbecile Distillery ‘please just bugger off’.
Gordon Brown was otherwise unavailable for comment, but has declared through a press release that he found the monster to be ‘highly inconsiderate’ and possibly ‘drunk’. He cited figures from youth drinking statistics and decreed that, coupled with the monsters approximate age, the beast qualifies for an ASBO. He believes this will stop the beast from reoffending, and hopes its transition back into society will be ‘clean and without incident’.
By stark comparison he declared that 14-year-old Tyler Watson was to be ‘medically examined’ and his whereabouts would be ’strictly confidential’ after he committed arson at a local bus-stop. Gordon Brown then said that the damage the young boy had caused was ‘catastrophic’, and that there was no penalty harsh enough for his crime.
A spokesman for Downing Street said that Gordon Brown had ‘mixed up his autocues’.
